After someone dies, many people want to do something to remember them but aren’t sure what. Some want a quiet, private way to feel close to them. Others want something lasting that the whole family can share. Often it’s a bit of both.
These ideas aren’t a checklist. Pick one or two that feel like them, and leave the rest.
Small, everyday ways
- Keep something of theirs nearby. A watch, a scarf or a favourite mug can be comforting to use, or just to have in sight.
- Cook their recipes. Making a dish they were known for, the way they made it, is a way of bringing them back to the table.
- Listen to their music. Put together a playlist of the songs they loved, or the ones that remind you of them.
- Say their name. Talking about them in everyday conversation helps other people feel they can too.
- Carry on something they did. That could be feeding the birds, doing the crossword or following their football team.
Things you can make
- A memory box. Fill it with photos, letters, tickets and small objects. You can open it whenever you want to feel close to them, and pass it on one day.
- A book of memories. Ask family and friends to write down a story about them, then collect the stories together. You’ll probably hear things you never knew.
- A family recipe book. Collect their cooking, with notes in their handwriting if you have any.
- Something made from their clothes. Many small makers turn clothing into cushions, quilts or teddy bears, giving you something you can hold.
- Safe copies of recordings. If you have voicemails or videos of them, save copies somewhere safe. Phones get lost or replaced, and those recordings can’t be.
Places to visit and things to plant
- Go back to the places they loved. A beach, a walk, a café or the town they grew up in can all feel like time with them.
- Plant something. A rose, a tree or a bed of their favourite flowers gives you something living to look after.
- Ask about a memorial bench or tree. Many councils, parks and woodland charities run schemes. Costs and waiting times vary, so it’s worth asking early.
Giving something back
- Donate to a cause that mattered to them, or to the charity or hospice that cared for them at the end of their life.
- Fundraise in their name, perhaps with a sponsored walk or run on their birthday or anniversary.
- Volunteer for something they cared about, or for an organisation that helped you after they died.
- Do something kind in their name, quietly, without telling anyone why.
Marking the dates that matter
Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays can be some of the hardest days. Deciding in advance how you’ll mark them can help. You could gather the family for their favourite meal, raise a glass to them, visit their grave, or simply take an hour for yourself. Our post on small rituals of remembrance has more ideas.
Something online that lasts
If there’s no grave nearby, or your family lives far apart, an online memorial gives everyone a place to go. On The Bridge of Lights, you can light a permanent candle for £1 with their name, their years and a short message, and add their favourite song if you’d like. We’ll email you a candle number so you can find their light whenever you want to visit. You can also share it with family and friends, wherever they live.
Whatever feels right
You don’t have to do any of these things straight away, or at all. Remembering someone isn’t a task to complete. Some ideas will feel right now, and others may only feel right in a year or two. The best way to remember them is the one that feels most like them.