Many families now live across more than one country. A parent stays in the town they grew up in while their children settle in London, Toronto or Sydney. Grandparents in Manila video-call grandchildren in Manchester. Most of the time, distance is something you work around. When someone dies, it can suddenly feel very hard.
Why distance makes grief harder
Getting to the funeral can mean expensive last-minute flights, time off work and a long journey. Sometimes it just isn’t possible. Arrangements may be made by relatives or funeral directors in another country, and you can be left feeling you had little part in saying goodbye.
Afterwards, you may go back to a life where nobody around you knew the person who died. Friends and colleagues can be kind, but they don’t share your memories of them. The people who do may be asleep when you’re awake, so even a phone call takes planning.
None of this makes your grief any smaller, but it can make it lonelier. It helps to find ways to grieve with your family rather than on your own.
Ways to remember someone together from afar
- Join the funeral online if you can’t travel. Many funeral directors and crematoria can livestream or record a service. Ask early, because it may need arranging in advance.
- Pick a time that works across time zones. For an anniversary or birthday, agree an hour when everyone stops to remember them, even if that’s breakfast for some and late evening for others. You could light a candle, play their favourite song or cook a meal they loved.
- Share memories in one place. A family group chat or shared photo album gives everyone somewhere to add pictures, stories and voice notes. Older relatives often have stories the younger ones have never heard, so ask for them while you can.
- Keep family traditions going. The customs, prayers, food and music that mattered to them can be kept up wherever you live. They also help children growing up in another country feel connected to the person and to where the family comes from.
- Check in on each other. A short message on a hard day matters just as much from the other side of the world.
Where online memorials fit in
An online memorial is a place anyone can visit, from any country, at any time. Nobody has to travel, and nobody has to be awake at the same moment. For families spread around the world, that can make it easier to feel you’re remembering someone together.
The Bridge of Lights is one of these. Anyone, wherever they live, can light a permanent candle with the person’s name, their years and a short message. Each relative can light their own candle. You can find any candle on the bridge by searching for a name or a candle number. Once a candle is lit, you can share its link on WhatsApp or Facebook, or copy it into a family chat, so relatives in other countries can see it too.
It doesn’t replace being there in person, and it isn’t meant to. But it gives everyone the same place to go, whichever country they’re in.
You’re not grieving alone
Being far from family when someone dies can be very isolating. The distance is real, but so is the connection between you. Sharing a memory, marking a date at the same time or simply checking in can help everyone feel a little closer.